I’ve been absent (not because I love you any less), busy, and tired. Tired like beyond tired tired. So tired that using any adjective other than tired makes me… tired. Why, you ask? Why so… fatigued?

Well. It turns out that as kids get older, they get more mobile. Who knew?? With increased mobility comes increased germ exposure and immune system building yadda yadda. So the past months have looked something like: fine fine SICK fine SICK SICK fine SICK SICK SICK fine. For those of you keeping track, that’s more sicks than fines. All thanks to my little germ-ridden bundle of joy.

(For the record, she is a joy through and through. 18 months old and she does burpees. And can support her bodyweight hanging from a bar. And she does barbell snatches with a toy rolling pin. Squee!)

On to the “busy” half of “busy and tired”: Why so busy?

Well. It turns out that as gyms get older, they get more mobile. More clients means more work! Can’t we just fail quietly and then take a nap? Gah. But noooo, (and now it’s bragging time), instead of napping we published a video that got picked up by places like Mark’s Daily Apple and MovNat.com, generating over ten thousand views.

We’re also in the process of renewing our natural movement selves. Greg just returned from the MovNat Expansion Course in West Virginia with Erwan LeCorre. We’re building new equipment all the time (hello, climbing wall! Hello, battling ropes!). Erwan himself will be joining us in September to spread the love. We bought half a cow from BeaverVale Farms and the lucky ones who got shares will be picking up their bounty this week. We’re starting a brand new Eat REAL Challenge this Saturday. We now carry VitaCoco Coconut Water.

We’ve been busy. Life is good.

Jan improved her baseline workout time by over 12%, earning her the title of Total Asskicker of the World… and she is also the recipient of a month of free training at StrengthBox!

A while back I put the Dolls through a brief but intense workout, noted their times, and told them to give up all the foods they love (grains, sugar, dairy) and focus on REAL nutrition (meat, fish, eggs, veggies, nuts, seeds, fruit) in the name of athletic amazingness. For a whole month. I encountered some pushback, as you may imagine… but in the end, those who stuck it out saw some incredible improvements in strength and speed, not to mention hawtness. When we repeated the workout at the end of the challenge, I was damn impressed with my derby ladies. Intrigued? Check us out. Are you up for a challenge?

Yeeesh. Sorry, kids, it’s been too long. I have a list of excellent excuses, but excuses are for party poopers. Let’s move on to the news from the last month or so, shall we?

1. StrengthBox and Recess! have merged and become one and the same… the inimitable Death Track Dolls are continuing to kick ass and take names, and recently mopped the floor with the Venus Fly Tramps (check out some fantastic bout footage here). I credit burpees, of course.

2. I made these:

Paleo. Peppermint. Patties. (I consider very very dark chocolate to be Paleo. So shoot me.) Yes, you read that right. I modified this recipe from Elana’s Pantry slightly (sub 2 tablespoons of honey for the 1/4 cup agave nectar, sub unsweetened or 90% Cocoa Camino baking chocolate for the 73% chocolate, more peppermint oil to taste, and for half the batch I added a bunch of finely shredded coconut and vanilla instead of peppermint to make a “Mounds” style treat).

3. The StrengthBox Eat REAL Challenge is wrapping up this Saturday! We’ll be repeating the baseline workout to see who’s moving faster and feeling stronger… which StrengthBoxer and which Doll will take home the ultimate prize (one month of FREE unlimited group training at StrengthBox)? Stay tuned for updates!

This month has been full, busy, and completely amazingballs (my new favorite word), and next month will be even better.

Eating treats does some wackadoo chemical things to your brain. It feels good. Serotonin happiness, brief energy boost, etc. You know this, you know your craving is probably based in something other than hunger. Are you bored, and munching is something to pass the time? Are you tired and feel like you need a little pick-me-up? Get this: you can cheat your cheat. You can get EXACTLY the same chemical payoff by way of an endorphin rush by moving your body.

I know, I know, it sounds less fun and more effort-ful to move around than to chow down the chocolate… but try this for a week. Whenever you find yourself reaching for comfort by way of snacks -

(Side note: I’m not talking about when you’re hungry. When you’re hungry, eat real food.)

- whenever you’re heading down the mindless munching path, set a timer for 10 minutes and DO SOMETHING ELSE. Burpees, pushups, squats, high knees running, jumping jacks, any combination of any series of movements you can think of as long as it makes you huff and puff. Work up a little sweat. Then if you still want the comfort-y food, eat it. I bet it’ll be easier to walk away once you’ve fulfilled your own need for endorphins.

Bonus: you get to walk around feeling all high-and-mighty when you’ve defeated the cheat-monster. You get to be “that guy”, telling your friends how you avoided the cookie by doing pushups. You get to watch your friends slowly back away. Then two weeks later when they ask why you’re looking so freaking awesome, you get to say “remember, the pushups and the cookie and and and?” and then you get to say “I TOLD YOU SO!” which is sweeter than any damn cookie.

Um, try this at home, not at work or on the TTC. Just a suggestion.

Want to find out more about natural movement and play-based workouts? Check out StrengthBox, my baby in East York. Want to come Recess! it up with the Death Track Dolls? We run around on Saturday mornings at 10:30am at The Monkey Vault, 213 Geary Avenue.

After two whirlwind months of rumination, preparation, and sleep deprivation, (not to mention massive anticipation!), we are ready to open the StrengthBox for real. You know you want to come check us out. Here’s what will happen if you come train in our facility:

• You’ll get stronger.
• You’ll get leaner.
• You’ll get faster.

It is my strong suspicion that these three elements will come together to produce the following effect:

• You’ll get HAPPIER with your new lean, strong, fast, badass self.

How will we get you there, you ask? Well I’ll tell you. We’ll use natural human movements… that means we’ll only ask you to do things that make sense and have a real-world application. Why go to a gym where they tell you to lift nothing heavier than 3lbs when your groceries weigh more than that? If you fall down a hole, all the jazzaerobicize in the world won’t help you get out. But StrengthBox will. If your parent or sibling or child passes out/falls/gets stuck under something heavy, those three pound dumbbells will have prepared you not at all to lift the heaviness. But StrengthBox will have.

Did I mention that people who can lift heavy things, pull their own body weight, and run really fast also tend to be dead sexy? Well, there’s that, too. Also, they’re more fun at parties.

So come check us out… our lovely home on the web is StrengthBox.ca. We’d love to hear what your goals are, and we’d love even more to help you reach them.

P.S. Are you pregnant? About to be pregnant? Recently pregnant? Three years postpartum and still trying to shake the last of the baby weight? Girlfriend, we need to talk. Drop me a line at Liz at StrengthBox dot ca. We’re going to make you even more amazing than you already are.

This past Recess was bruuutal! I brought out the big guns to whip the Dolls into top shape, developing their explosive power and superhuman speed. 24 minutes of intervals fit the bill and then some… the lovely skating ladies barely had enough energy left over to leap into the foam pit willy-nilly!

The Original Recess! will continue, at 10:30 and 11:30am at The Monkey Vault. Recess II: Son of Recess! will begin in the not too distant future at our (prepare for Epic! Announcement!) Very Own Training Space in East York. Greg Carver (he of MovNat fame) and Howie Tse (firefighter extraordinaire) are joining me in opening StrengthBox, a training facility that will redefine your very human existence.

StrengthBox will emphasize natural movement, powerful strength development, high intensity intervals, and gymnastic skills. We’ll be working in small groups and one on one… We are open and available to any and every skill level, and we’d really like to welcome you to the StrengthBox family! Life should feel good, people. Let us show you how to get lean, strong, and capable of superhuman feats.

Our logo, shiny and new...

I recommend making a date with this brand of fear. It has the potential to reveal things to you about yourself that maybe you’ve been sitting on. If you don’t commit to the jump, you won’t make it. You have to decide before you leap that you’re going to land safely on the other side. In fact, it’s not enough to just decide this, you have to know it. Also, strong ankles help with the landing part.

Kids are fearless about climbing, running, falling down, but I think part of that fearlessness comes from repeated exposure to climbing, running, and falling down. The more times you fall down and it doesn’t end the world, the less freaked out you’ll be about falling again. Climbing becomes less scary as you gain confidence in your grip and coordination. I hate climbing. It makes me all sweaty and shaky and unsure. But if I keep doing it, that fear will recede as my skill grows, and then there will be more room for the fun.

I’m keeping this in mind as I lay Project Svelte to rest for the moment… the first days of shooting have come and gone on the film I was preparing for, and lo and behold I am not the lean mean fighting machine I’d hoped to become by  now. In fact, I gained two pounds. What?? I know. I was just as shocked as you. “But… meat and veg and healthy fat… ketogenic diet… low carb is the answer… fasted metcons… how the hell did you screw it up??”

Gather round, kids. Here’s what happened:

• I know I said I wouldn’t, but I got hungry. Being hungry is a fact of Intermittent Fasting, and there’s nothing wrong with experiencing some hunger from time to time. I actually think it’s a good idea to feel hungry sometimes… but I got hungry and then didn’t eat enough of the good stuff to satisfy. I ate moderate amounts of meat and veg and fat, and then when I was still hungry I didn’t eat more meat and veg and fat, I turned to sugar. I’m not sure how the disconnect happened, but my brain decided that protein wasn’t doing the trick and that the answer to life, the universe, and everything lay in a foil wrapper with the words “Green & Black’s” printed on the outside.
• I didn’t sit down for meals. This is partly because eating with a 1-year old is a pretty gymnastic experience in itself… but there’s more to it than that. I was eating meals in front of the TV, while working on my computer, while standing in the kitchen with a kid on one hip, which is just foolish. Enjoy your food, people. Pay attention to your food. Don’t multitask your food.
• I didn’t honor my appetite. This goes back to point #1 about getting hungry, but I’m also still nursing a baby… and she eats a LOT. I spent a good amount of time feeling frustrated that after eating what seemed like a completely reasonably sized meal, I was still hungry. That frustration would spiral into an overwhelming urge to snack on something Not Allowed. Then, after the cheat-y snack, the frustration would spiral into disgust that I had Cheated On My Diet. Followed by more snacking. It was a dark time, my friends. If I had it all to do over again (and believe me, the battle isn’t over), I’d smarten up about eating enough, and if it takes four helpings of REAL FOOD to satisfy, then that is what’s going to go down.
• Having slipped and slid off-track once, I allowed the slide to continue for days and days. It’s tough to reverse a slip while it’s happening, but had I enlisted some kind of outside help (I’m a big fan of the emergency phone call to a food support buddy when disaster is imminent) I suspect things would have gone differently.
• It’s not so much what you eat that can lead to sub-optimal body composition, and more why you eat. I made a list of reasons: stress, fatigue, worry, sadness, excitement, anticipation, sleep deprivation, boredom, uncertainty, celebration, anger, “it’s lunch/dinner/snack time”.You’ll notice hunger didn’t make the list. This will not do.

All things considered, I’d call Project Svelte an unequivocal failure. But I’m not too upset about it. I learned a lot, and will adjust my next approach accordingly. I’ll chalk this one up to an experiment in failing. Having failed this time, and noticing that the world has not imploded, maybe next time will be a less “all-or-nothing” experience.

Bonus Exciting Cliffhanger:

Big news is brewing in Recess!-town, my friends. Stay tuned for an announcement of epic proportions! Epic! Proportions! Announcement!

Next Saturday will find us goofing around and getting real strong in the process… come check us out, won’t you? Recess! at The Monkey Vault, 213 Geary Avenue happens on Saturday at 10:30am and 11:30am. Can’t come at that time but have a group you want to rile up? Email me at marthadonkey at gmail dot com.